NEW YORK—Receiving a long round of applause from the captivated audience, local business analyst Jacob Hoff reportedly just crushed the presentation of an idea that will soon completely bankrupt his company, sources said Monday.
NEW YORK—Admitting they badly need to turn their business around, executives at struggling media company Vidmark Interactive confided to sources Tuesday that their situation has become so dire they may have to consider giving a job to someone who is actually qualified to hold it.
White people still represent the majority of Americans, and in the dating world, there are benefits to being white.
Ok Cupid, one of the largest dating websites in the US, compiles data on its "matches" between its members.
Russell's views and comments have fueled internet outrage, to the point that what he's doing feels a bit like performance art; he may even be saying stereotypically racist things to incite anger and draw more attention to his site.
MINNEAPOLIS—Explaining how the company remains innovative in a fast-paced industry, executives from Digi Vista Media told reporters Wednesday that the marketing firm consistently positions itself on the leading edge of what its competitors have been doing for the past few years.As The Onion’s 300,000 staffers in its news bureaus and manual labor camps around the world continue to pore through the immense trove of documents obtained from an anonymous White House source, the answers that are emerging to these questions are deeply unnerving and suggest grave outcomes for the American people, the current international order, Wolf Blitzer, four of the five Great Lakes, and most devastatingly, the nation’s lighthouses and lighthouse keepers. PAUL, MN—Identifying a clear preference for novelty above all other qualities, a report from the University of Minnesota released Friday found that morbid curiosity now accounts for 79 percent of the nation’s snack food purchases.PITTSBURGH—Red wine and candlelight on the table before them, Deep Blue, the supercomputer that defeated reigning world chess champion Garry Kasparov in 1997, and Kasparov’s ex-wife, Yulia Vovk, quietly celebrated their 10th anniversary on Wednesday at a small French restaurant near Carnegie Mellon University, where Deep Blue was created.The FBI is asking any Americans with information about the eating habits, top speed, fighting abilities, or other general interest knowledge of cheetahs to contact them immediately in return for a one million dollar reward. AUGUSTA, ME—In a dark harbinger of troubled times to come, recently hired office manager Mel Pritchard reportedly placed a new assortment of tea bags in Greydon Media’s kitchen drawer Friday, the first terrifying signal of what to expect from her regime.NEW YORK—Saying it regularly provides him with the motivation he needs to get through the day, Estée Lauder senior vice president Mark Evans told reporters Friday he keeps a photo of a sobbing 15-year-old girl on his desk to remind himself why he does this.